At Polaris Beach Resort, every day is packed with exciting (and oddly familiar) experiences, handcrafted for our guests seeking adventure, relaxation, and mildly chaotic suburban charm — all just minutes north of Columbus, Ohio.

Whether you’re here for a quick day pass or an extended staycation, we’ve designed a schedule of completely real and totally luxurious resort activities to elevate your time with us.

🧘‍♀️ Morning Vibes

8:00 AM – Yoga by the Loading Dock
Join our certified instructors (YouTube playlist) for guided stretches and deep breaths near the Bass Pro Shop overflow lot.

9:15 AM – Continental Breakfast Crawl
Roam the food court and collect premium pastries from Auntie Anne’s, Cinnabon, and that one Starbucks that never has the drinks you want.

🌴 Afternoon Escapes

12:00 PM – Poolside Chill (BYOP: Bring Your Own Pool)
Inflatables welcome. Kiddie pools encouraged. Hose access available on request (unofficially, from Steve who works maintenance next door).

1:30 PM – Guided Walking Tour of Scenic Polaris Parkway
Wear comfortable sandals as we meander past 5 bank branches, 3 frozen yogurt spots, and one truly cursed car dealership. Don’t forget sunscreen — and a sense of irony.

🍹 Sunset & Social Hour

5:00 PM – Frozen Margarita Happy Hour at Chili’s (Unofficial Satellite Bar)
Guests wearing a Polaris Beach wristband get absolutely nothing extra, but we encourage you to pretend.

7:00 PM – Evening Seagull Sound Bath
Sit back, close your eyes, and let our Bluetooth speaker transport you to an imaginary coastline as the faint sound of cars and delivery trucks blends with peaceful gull calls.

🛍️ Optional Excursions

  • Polaris Fashion Place expedition (self-guided, map available at the kiosk by the broken fountain)
  • Parking Lot Paddleboarding (weather permitting, and if someone brings a paddleboard)
  • Mall Soft Music History Tour (coming soon)

💡 Reminder:

All resort activities are weather-permitting, self-supplied, and powered by collective delusion. But here at Polaris Beach Resort — we believe in your vacation energy.

🌐 Want More?

Be sure to follow us on TikTok and Instagram for daily resort updates, new guest photos, and real-time activity alerts (posted whenever someone tags us in a meme).

Welcome to your Midwest paradise. We’re here all summer.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *